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| A pic of me and my fiance, Fidele....story to come! |
I am sitting at work tonight waiting for 10pm to roll around so we can go and do lock ups for the Coast Guard Station. Lately I have been struggling with a great deal of stress here at work because I am trying to become fully qualified in my job as a boat driver, but a lot of things overwhelm me and then I start worrying that I just will not make it and that I will end up failing. I pray and pray that God will strengthen me and give my heart peace, but sometimes it all seems slow in coming. However the Lord comforted me in a special way the past couple days with two different verses that I read from the Bible.
#1...As I have been praying for peace this past week to fill my heart and calm the raging in my soul, God graciously turned my eyes to Philippians 4:8-9: "And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all that you learned and received from me---everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of PEACE will be with you."
And after I read those verses, the thought came to me: This whole week I have been praying that God would just give me peace, but maybe He wants me to give me something more than peace (more than what I perceive peace to be, which is a calmness and stillness of my soul...a quietness within me). The Lord not only wants to give me a quietness in my soul, but He wants to fill the quietness with His presence....He wants to be my quietness/my peace. And so instead of focusing on the lack of peace in my heart and soul I need to be putting into practice all that I have learned and received from God's Word. I need to be thinking the kind of thoughts that Paul talked about...and then I will not just have peace...."Then the God of peace will be with me."
#2...I have also been praying that God would give me strength...strength to accomplish the things here at work and strength to serve Him...and to be honest the more I pray sometimes the weaker I feel. But the Lord also so kindly directed me to Psalm 89 tonight and two verses stuck out to me (16-17): "They rejoice all day long in Your wonderful reputation. They exult in Your righteousness. You are their glorious strength. It pleases You to make them strong."
WOW!! In many ways when I pray for strength, I know that I often think of receiving an increase in my own strength, but that is not God's idea of blessing me. No His plans are much higher and better! He does not want to just give me strength...He wants to be my strength!!!! And not only that He wants to be my GLORIOUS STRENGTH!! From this I really see that God is not a vending machine to ask for something and wait for it to pop out...prepackaged and ready to be consumed. No our God is a consuming fire. He is the Almighty One. The holy and majestic King enthroned in majesty! And He is so kind and merciful to us. I ask for strength, and I am disappointed and upset when He says no. But little do I realize that He says no because He wants to give me something better---HIMSELF!! The Lord wants to be my glorious strength in life.
God does not want to just give His children peace...
He wants to be their peace.
He does not want to just give us strength....
He wants to be our glorious strength.
So these are my thoughts from the past couple days and the lessons that have been tough for me to learn but so wondeful too at the same time. I will keep trying my best to update this blog on all the happenings of my life over the past year little by little....and keep it updated on my life right now as I serve the Lord in Eastport, Maine.
To God be the glory in my life today and tomorrow and forever!
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